I got chris browned last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
