mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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