Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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