I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
