i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
