He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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