Apparently you make a good broom.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
