I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
