Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
honey bunches of taint.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
