I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
