so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
