It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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