I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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