As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
