I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
