you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nutella sex= disaster
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
BRING THE BAGELS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
