I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
