You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
