I feel great
I just peed on a car
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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