I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
