Buhtt sex?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
