The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
