so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
