u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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