Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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