Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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