literally had 100 drinks last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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