i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
