There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
