We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
