I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
