just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
