Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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