Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
