I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
