Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its not stalking. its research.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
