Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize