do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
