Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
