So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
