No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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