Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
