Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
