Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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