There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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