While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize