Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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