what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
