woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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