I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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