Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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