How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
