meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
