I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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