My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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