i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
