If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
