I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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