i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
