Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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