walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
