I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We are all done wearing pants today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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