it's too hot outside to masturbate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
