she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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