he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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