matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
