Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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