So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
