I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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